Susan her three cats and a guy we'll call Jack

2006-07-08T12:00:00.000-05:00

What a morning. We got up, Jack started the morning off saying he MIGHT want to go to the Emergency Room. His knee has been hurting him so bad lately that he can barely walk on it at times. He severely burned his left hand at work with some kind of chemical. I've had to keep changing the dressing for him every 8 hours. It gets to burning so bad he can hardly stand it. Anyhoooo....I finally got him calmed down enough thismorning that I thought maybe getting him out for breakfast would make him feel a bit better. So he finally agree's after much moaning and groaning. As we're driving up to the resturant I happen to look over at this trailer in the parking lot of a car dealership. I thought "damn that looks like the back end of a race car....OH DAMN that's the back end of Dale Jr's race car. So I point and barely get it out. Jack spins the truck around to have a better look and I'll be damned if it wasn't. "OMG we need the camera." I say...so off we go back home to retreive the camera. We got back and took some pictures. He was smiling from ear to ear. "Baby take one of me and the car, baby take one of the inside, baby take one of the back....." I was so happy for him after all the recent shit he's been dealing with and going threw I started tearing up. We just got home and I've gotten the pics off the camera to share them. Oh, and I've sent some off to walgreens to pick up the 8x10's later. I hope everyone has a great weekend...here's the pic's:

2006-07-03T07:55:00.000-05:00

Today is a Monday and a Friday for me and Jack. How so you ask? Because neither of us were lucky enough to get a 4day weekend from our employers like 90% of the rest of the population did. So here I am, working today, off tomorrow and then finishing out the week. It's going to be a very busy week too. 4th of July tuesday, Doctor appointment for me Wed. (please give me drugs!), Alisha's Birthday Thursday ($%$#*%!!!!!!!) and on top of it this is the first of the month which means busy busy busy!!!

Mentaly I've been ok, I have had some good days. I wish they were GREAT days, but I'll settle for good. This will be a stressful week for me, so keep me in your thoughts if you can.

Thank you all for being there for me. Have a great Holiday week and be safe!

Susan
~peace~

2006-06-29T07:46:00.000-05:00

My evening went like this: (side note, for those who don't know, my husband Jack has degenerative disc disease and severe arthritis in his spine and because of this suffers from chronic back pain)

Jack walked threw the door, home from work as he does everyday. Only this day the look on his face was of pure pain. I knew right away that something was wrong. He was holding his backpack as if it was the heaviest thing in the world. I grabbed it from him and set it down "jeesus are you ok?" I asked. The pain was so bad he could hardly open his eyes to look at me or see where he was going. He was trying desperately to get to his chair. Once in his chair he explained that two of the younger guys at work called in and instead of the supervisor getting someone else in the area to do all the heavy lifting that two young men usually do, he had Jack do the job by himself. "WHAT??!"I was furious and came unglued. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? "They KNOW you have back problems, didn't you say anything, didn't you go to your boss?" He didn't want to get fired for being old and having health issues so he thought he'd just do it and suck it up. Now he's half lame and I honestly didn't know if he'd make it out of bed to go back today. We depend on his income as the major source of our survival so having him down is not an option. He HAS to work.

I brought him two percocet's, the heating pad and dinner in his chair. About an hour later he could move about but very slowly. He fell asleep shortly after finishing his meal. I kept shaking my head trying to understand this old man's thinking. I guess it must be pretty scary being nearly 60 in the work place these days. His normal job is that of a 'lead' person who keeps a packing area performing smoothly. He usually sits behind a desk or packs small parts. He's loosing his eye sight rapidly and the back issue is getting worse and worse each year. I'm not sure how much longer he can keep doing this, but we need his income so badly right now.

I heard him waking in the other room so I said my goodbye's to my online friends. When I got to him he was trying to get out of his chair. The combination of the medication and the pain made him look like someone I didn't know. I spent an hour giving him a rub down with menthol oil fed him a snack and sent him off to bed. He slept soundly and was up this morning getting himself ready for work. I must have fallen back to sleep because I never heard him leave and had to get out of bed to check and see if the truck was still here. I guess he was ok.....I hope.

So I'm off now to get my work done and worry sick about him all day. I hope everyone has a great day and it's full of joy and happiness!

Susan
~peace~

2006-06-27T07:37:00.000-05:00

As I sleepily sip my tea and try to understand what the T.V. is saying to me I can smell the rain in the air. Yet another day of rain, spotty they say, but rain none the less. The only good coming of it is the cool air. I've scanned the message boards for something of interest. Not much there, a birthday wish and a video caught my attention. I've grown so very tired of the feuds and the childish behavior that I can't hardly bring myself to go back. I've checked all my mail and deleted most of it.

I had the pleasure of talking to an old friend yesterday. I hadn't seen her in 3 years. She used to visit atleast once a year. Talking about the past and catching up on things was extremely painful for me. It was all I could do not to burst out in tears. However, there was laughter in our chat. She was always good at making me laugh. I remembered how much I loved her, she was always so witty and bright. When she would visit we would have sleep overs like little girls again, laughing and giggling all night until Jack and Doug (her boyfriend) would tell us to get to bed. I hadn't realized how much I missed her.

I hope today brings all my friends peace. I love you all and know that I think of you daily.

Susan
~peace~

2006-06-26T10:26:00.000-05:00

Im not sure what blogspot did with my pictures, but I will try and fix it if I can.

Well it's Monday again....and it's busy busy busy as always. I found out Friday that the owner of the apartments I manage is selling this one that I live in. This could be good and it could be bad. I'll just have to wait and see. I may have to look for another job which is fine, I need to get away from this. I just hate change, change scares me.

Well I guess I should go, there really isn't much else going on in my little world worth reporting about.

Be well friends and smile today. It'll make you and someone else feel good.
Susan
~peace~

2006-06-23T19:32:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone is doing better then I am. I've been sick for a few days. Haven't really felt like doing much. My head feels like it's going to explode and my tummy and I are fueding.

I'm relaxing in front of the tv and watching 'brother where art thou'. I love this move. The music is great and always makes me want to get up and dance. I'm chair dancing and damn good at it too.

I want to thank everyone who has sent me emails and cards telling me how much they miss me and love me. You guys are the best! I promise as soon as I feel better I'll start posting more.

Well, the movie is getting good and I need to scoot. You all have a great weekend and please be good to each other.

Susan
~peace~

2006-06-19T07:41:00.000-05:00

Well it's Monday again....Could be a busy day or a most boring day. Wont know till later.

I had a nice weekend. I've been getting hooked on watching movies that I haven't seen before. This weekend I watched The pink panther,The human stain and Patch Adams.

Up town they had a car show and street fair for Fathers day. If it hadn't been so hot we might have wandered around the car show, but the sun and humidity were bruital. They had a big fire on the down town square during the street fair. I over heard two people talking at the laundry mat on sunday morning that it was pretty bad.

Jack's daughter stopped by with flowers and a card for Jack. We sat around and talked for an hour or so. She's enjoying her new job and thinking of moving to a smaller town near by. I sent my father some e-cards and decided not to call him. I don't know why I avoid him so much. I think maybe I still hold on to a grude from some 16+ yrs ago. When I was getting married to my first husband, he was just newly married and his wife and I didn't get along. Words were exchanged which resulted in him not coming to my wedding. My brother had to walk me down the isle. I think I still hold a deep pain from that because I had always felt like family was family and you should always put blood first. I felt as though I was second place to the new wife when it came to my day. Anyhooo....I guess in some ways I still kinda get sore about that and find it hard to be a good daughter. I am sure he's sitting at home thinking I'm not that great because I didn't call....but the feeling I had on my wedding day without him there was much worse I assure you. I think it was then that I first learned that people you love and you thought loved you will hurt you for their own gain. Most of the men in my life have never really been what I thought they were, or treated me as I thought I deserved. I guess it could be why I have now recently begun to not trust men.

I wish all of you a wonderful week and I hope nothing but happiness greets you.

susan
~peace~

2006-06-16T14:02:00.000-05:00

You know it's going to be one of those days when you wake up crying and an hour later your laughing your ass off.

It's no secret that I have cats...And I've shared a million times on here about my love hate relationship with my babies. Thismorning was hard. I had a horrible dream...A dream of death and dieing. I'm so scared to die...This was so real. As IM waking and wiping tears from my check I hear the sound all cat owners hate to hear. "ack plack ack acccck blaaaa". "CRAP!" I said out loud in a tired voice as I rolled out of bed. Now I was going to have to make my way to the bathroom without finding the mess with my toes, get my contacts in and go on the hunt for it.

I looked everywhere and couldn't figure out where the barf/hairball was. So I decided to stop looking because sometimes it does mysteriously disappear. I stumbled into the kitchen, wasn't hungry, out of pop, made myself some tea. My tummy rumbled in pain. I screamed at it to shut up. Turned on my computer, checked my office messages, straightened some papers and before I sat down I opened all the windows. Ahh...it's still cool. I set my tea down and plopped into my computer chair. It took 2 min for the puke/hairball to seep past my jeans and alert me. I jumped up only to realize my worst fear. With all that has happen to me lately all I could do was laugh. I knew it was going to be a good day!

For those of you who read religiously.....I hope today finds you well. For those of you who just stumbled into my world....Welcome and take a helmet from the basket by the door. Your gonna need it.

Susan
~peace~

2006-06-15T08:53:00.000-05:00

The morning air is cool. I love having the windows open. It wont stay this way for long though, the weather bug tells me it's going to be in the 90's this weekend. I can take high 80's, but once it gets into the 90's I have to stay indoors. It really sucks, I feel like a prisoner, like a sick child watching everyone threw a window having fun. I love boating, fishing, swimming...but my body hates the sun. I have to be really careful in the summer time not to get over heated or stand in the direct sun for to long.

The fruit stands are filled with loads of beautiful strawberries. I'm thinking of getting some and making a strawberry pie. I haven't made one in a looooong time and boy does that sound good right now.

Jack got me some flowers yesterday from the market. I love these because they go perfect with my kitchen decore. Please enjoy these.

Susan
~peace~

2006-06-14T08:15:00.000-05:00

I'm struggling a bit today, could be the rain coming in, I miss the sun. At least my good days are more then my bad days have been lately. I recover quicker from set backs. I know that has to be a good thing considering 2 months ago I couldn't even lift my head. I'm getting my sense of humor back...Even cracked myself up last night.

Today I have to get back to exercise. I might be able to get in a walk before the rain comes. I'm looking foreword to the fresh air and the feeling of accomplishment. It's time for me to come out of the hole and look around. If I go back in we're having 6 more weeks of summer.

I hope everyone has a great day today....Smile like you stole something!

Susan
~peace~

2006-06-09T08:18:00.000-05:00

Today is suppose to be absolutely beautiful. Low temps, sun, cool breeze spotty rain here and there. Today is my short day at work. I'll be able to get some cleaning done before the weekend starts.

Jack is feeling better, I got him laughing yesterday and his pain has been getting much better. I can only hope this will be a great weekend for him. I plan to get him out in the fresh air, a picnic, walk...etc. I'm looking foreword to spending some quality time with him. It's time now for us to heal and set the past behind us.

I've attacked my mysterious rash with tea tree oil again this year and it's showing signs of clearing. I found some homemade tea tree oil soap yesterday and bought the last of what they had. Not only does it help my rash but my head cold has cleared too.

I wanted to take some time in this blog to tell a very special friend of mine that I love her and I think about her everyday. It's all I can do NOT to bug the crap out of her with e-cards and little messages everywhere. I know she reads my blog so I wanted to say to her here that I feel her pain and I'd gladly carry some of that for her if it would help her. My heart aches when I read how much she is hurting and I feel so helpless. I've been in similar darkness and it's a scary place to be.

I want you to know *S*, that it's because of you that my head is up today. It's because of you that I am healing. You listened to me when I needed you and you didn't judge me or make me feel worse then I already did. You were a true friend! If there is anything I can do to repay you just say so and I am there. I love you and just know that my thoughts are with you daily. I pray for you to heal and be well.

Friends, go forth today with a smile on your face. If not for yourself, it will be a gift to another.

Susan
~peace~

2006-06-05T07:22:00.000-05:00

Well here we are again.....A new week. I've vowed to keep myself busy and away from the computer as much as possible. I have so much work stuff to do that I've been putting off for months. Stuff I should have been doing but was to busy avoiding it. Now it's time to crack down and get it all done. It's ok though, it's just what I need to keep myself focused on my life around me.

It finally stopped raining and storming. Well at least for a few days. I think more is expected this week as early as tomorrow. The rain and the storms don't bother me to much. Even a couple tornado warnings aren't to bad, but when you have them everyday for weeks it's enough to drive you nutty. I always panic when they sound the sirens. I don't think I'll ever get used to that sound. I spent the majority of my life in the country. We didn't get sirens to warn us. So I get excited and not in a good way, running about trying to remember what IM suppose to do. Get in the tub? A closet? A place in the center of the building? The north end? South end? Which is it??? arghhhhh! It was easy when I was a kid, you went to the basement. We don't have one here so the rules are so complicated now. And why do men stand outside to watch the tornado that's coming to kill them? How stupid is this? Playing chicken with mother nature, not ME. I think it's far better to run about in a panic indoors trying to decide which room you'd rather be buried alive in.

Over the weekend I stopped at a couple outdoor sales. I love to find a bargain. I ran across a swag lamp and couldn't pass it up. I've been wanting one of these in my living room for years. We get absolutely no light in there except for a floor lamp that does a great job of lighting the ceiling. To bad I'm not up there reading then it would be perfect. I don't know why these things are so hard to find now days, but they are. All the ones I've run across are straight out of the 70's. Including the one I found this weekend. At first sight I thought "it's so brown and ewww", but then I felt my creative side slap me. I knew this would look great when I got done with it so I handed the gal 5 bucks and away I went. A bottle of white paint, some little flowers from the craft section at wally world and an hour later I had the cutest swag lamp ever.

Well I've bored you all enough for today. I hope all of you have a great day and wonderful week full of happiness.

Susan
~peace~

2006-06-02T07:37:00.000-05:00

What does a person do without true friends? I know I would have gone mad without them. I have some of the most wonderful friends in the world and all over the world at that.

I was going crazy holding something in and didn't realize that the reason I was having such a hard time dealing with a problem was because I hadn't turned to my friends. It's times like this you find out which friends you value and treasure most. Once I was able to release the darkness I held within me I felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders.

I had to also do some major soul searching this past week. Everything I was raised to believe in was challenged. I had to step deep within myself to find out who I really am. What I can handle, what I can't, how much compassion do I have, how understanding am I, how critical can I be and the list goes on. I always knew that I had the ability to see ones true self and I was always raised to look at the intent of a situation and not just what one does. There is intent behind everything we do and what we do is based on our intent.

Someone hurt me and I now realize that it was not their intent to do so. And as long as they show remorse and are truly sorry for what they have done then I can not find it in my heart to condemn them. It's times like these that you have to give all of your fears and worries to God and leave it into his hands. I am not the maker, I am not to judge and I am human, therefore I will live MY life the way I know I should and everybody else is on their own. I have to focus on me and only me. Worry about me and only me. In the end 'me' is all I have.

Until you walk a mile in my shoes do not judge me or my actions. Do not question what I do and why I do it. In order for me to heal I have to do what's best for me not what anyone else might think is best for me. No one on this planet can tell you how you feel or how you should feel. Who do you know can cast the first stone? WHO? I thought not! Sin is not measured in heaven like humans measure it on earth. A sin is a sin and each equal. If you are truly sorry for your sin you will be forgiven. It is only human to turn one's back. Humans judge and condemn each other, God embraces his children because he has unconditional love for us. Love is a powerful emotion and true love can endure all things good and bad.

The door opened in my search for answers to my most challenging moment in life when I remembered something I had done to someone several years ago. I had nearly forgotten about it. It dawned on me that although the situations were different, they were in some ways the same. I was not cast to the sea to be eaten by sharks, I was not marched threw the streets to be shamed. I had to own up to my wrong and seek forgiveness which was the hardest thing I had ever done. That person forgave me and still to this day loves me. So I thought, how can I not give what was given to me? How could I ever expect anyone to ever forgive me of any mistakes I may yet make if I can't do the same in return for others? How hypocritical would that be? In the end It will be me and God and no one else. I want to live my life in such a way that he will be proud of me. He will be proud of me for reaching past my human weaknesses in going above what is expected of me. He will be proud of me for showing compassion and being truly understanding of others. He will be proud of me for being loving and caring to others. He will be proud of me for being me.

What if we were only judged by our wrongs? What if only our wrongs stood in plain view for all to see and no one ever saw anything good that we ever did? Why is it that we are to quick to see the bad in someone and not the good? Why do we not look at a person as a whole? We are to quick to hide our own faults behind our backs with one hand and with our other hand point our finger in disgust.

For all of you who are struggling with deep emotional issues at this time in your life, may you find the answers that you need to rise above your troubles. May you find a true friend to listen to you and love you. Even if they can not give you the words and advice you seek, may they simply hold you and comfort you in their embrace. Go forth today in peace! I know I will!

I love you!

Susan
~peace~

Happy Birthday Andy!

2006-05-05T09:02:00.000-05:00

Today is my Son's 14th Birthday! Happy Birthday Andy!

I am so proud of my Son, he has turned into a wonderful young man. I wish for him only the best in life as any mother would. I hope all of his dreams come true. I miss him terribly. I tried to call him thismorning...but as always, my ex has the phone busy. It is busy 24/7...nice eh? I haven't been able to speak to my kids. I try every night and every night...buzz buzz buzz. SO....I can only hope he receives my card and has the happiest of Birthdays today!

I love you Andy!

Those of you within reach of your children....hold them and never let them go.

Susan
~peace~

2006-05-05T08:52:00.000-05:00

If you have ever de-haired yourself with a lint brush before walking out your door........You might be a cat owner.

If you do not own any black clothing.........You might be a cat owner.

If you have ever stumbled down the hall at 3am and stepped in something wet and hairy.......You might be a cat owner.

If your buying better food for your pet then you are for yourself......You might be a cat owner.

If you have ever been awaken with a furry object standing on your chest and yowling.........You might be a cat owner.

Happy Happy Birthday....Happy Birthday To ME

2006-04-12T13:22:00.000-05:00

35 isn't as bad as I thought it would be, but then I've only been 35 for less then 24hours. Where does time go? I can still remember sucking on my doo lolly (that's a pacifier for all you kids that didn't get one!) and crawling around on the floor. Now here I am a grown woman pushing 40.

Last year I had myself convinced that when I turn 35 the world as I knew was going to end. I had visions of waking, looking in the mirror and finding wrinkles, bags and saggy things. So far so good, everything seems to still be in place and no new wrinkles yet. Ofcourse I'm kidding, it's my strange sense of humor. The truth is I was really dreading turning 35 but today, but I feel good and happy that it's my birthday. That's purely because of all the wonderful friends I have that wished me a Happy Day. I have to admit, I was completely blown away by all the messages and e-cards I received. Thank you to all of you for making today such a special day for me. All of the birthday wishes also renewed my spirit and got me out of my funk that I had been in. I feel more like my old self today then I have in months.

Everyone has been asking if I have any special plans for my day and the answer is not yet. Jack has a doctors appointment late today and most likely he will be whistle bit by the time we leave there. So...tonight just relax and get Jack feeling better and perhaps on Friday I can talk him into taking me fishing. I would love nothing more then to pack a picnic lunch and spend the day fishing with Jack. I'll make my special catfish dough balls (for the fish!) and maybe I'll finally catch one big enough to eat! For those of you who like to fish for catfish, here is my recipe for the best dough balls in the world. Guaranteed to catch catfish fast! I made these and have been asked to make them for the local fish and wildlife ranger. He was impressed! 1 can of fancy feast shrimp and tuna feast cat food and just enough flower to make a dough sticky but not stick to your fingers. Kind of like when you make bread dough, it gets smooth with just the right amount of flour. Make them into half inch balls and place them around the top of a treble hook (not on the barbs, up higher on the eye of the hook). Cast these dough balls out and let it sit on the bottom of the lake. Have your bucket ready because your gonna catch catfish left and right! I promise!

May your Easter weekend be full of happiness, family and joy!

Susan
~peace~

Ungrateful beast

2006-04-02T07:28:00.000-05:00

Cats are unique in that they do what they want to do regardless of what you want them to do. That's been a hard lesson for me to learn.

Yesterday Jack and I ventured into the city to do a little shopping. I wanted to look for some new shoes and maybe pick up something for the Cats to play with, after all they do need something to spark them to play and exercise now and then. We stopped at petco and found ourselves deep into the bowls of the store wandering about in the cat section. I never knew there could be so many different kinds of fuzzy mice. Ones that squeak, ones that scurry across the floor, ones that pop out of the holes in plastic cheese...I admit that one did look fun!

What I was looking for was something they could all three enjoy and would be fun and functional for them. What I did notice right away is that most of the toys, beds and play tree's are made for normal sized cats. We had to keep in mind that Priscilla (the calico) has a pretty large middle, beginning and end. She wasn't going to fit into some of the things with small holes or be able to climb to the top of most the cat tree's. We also had to keep in mind that Layla is thinner and more active and would find some stuff very boring. We weren't worried about Gert to much, she rarely moves off the end of the bed anyway.

After spending a good part of the afternoon looking at every possible option and ruling out several, we did settle on something we knew they would all three enjoy. I've included a picture:

As you can see, this box was perfect! It had a window and everything! The good part was the box came with a fuzzy tunnel thing that Jack and I can use to decorate our living room with! Jack thought maybe we can use it as feet warmers or store our slippers in it. It's great...it looks wonderful and fits right in with the large cat tree and cat bed that they NEVER use! I'm not bitter! I'm just confused! Oh well....I still love them.

Here are some really cute pictures of a few odd moments that they actually have played with anything we bought them that wasn't a box:

Well thanks for stopping by! I'm off to find some more boxes!

Susan
~peace~

2006-03-27T09:57:00.000-06:00

Nearly a month to the day since I posted last.

The sun was shining bright thismorning and now the morning darkens with a storm closely approaching. I can hear the thunder in the distance as I type this. Tornado season is here and I suspect we're going to be in for alot of them this spring.

For those of you who care...Jack's doing better. He's got some pain medication to help with the back. It's nice to see him smile and be goofy again.

I'm finding it hard to blog today because I don't really have anything new to tell. So...I'll close for now. I doubt anyone even reads this anymore, but for those of you who still peek now and then..thank you and may your day be bright and full of happiness.

Susan
~peace~

2006-02-28T09:40:00.000-06:00

Life is what you make of it.

If you walk around all day long looking for the negative, then you will find the negative and visa versa. The problem is that life, being what it is, makes it very hard for a person to see the possitive. How does one see possitive threw bills, work stress, relationship issues, money concerns, family matters...etc? Well, sometimes I think of people who are worse off then I am, then I remember that the family down the street with 4 kids and a broken down car is getting $4,000.00 back in taxes and I OWE again! I keep telling myself money is not the answer, although it sure does help! What about the guy with a bum leg in a wheel chair, he's got it bad right? Oh hell he's getting more in disability and social security then I make working my ass off, but it does suck to be him. OK, there has to be something....

I have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, a man that truely loves me, 2 really great kids, dispite the fact I nearly screwed them up. I have a job even though it isn't the greatest and does give me stress, atleast Im working. I have true friends who are always there when I need them. I have 'stuff' that I can call my own.

Now if I can just keep remembering how much I do have dispite what I don't I'll be ok for another day.

Go forth with possitive thoughts.

Susan
~peace~

2006-02-23T11:23:00.000-06:00

I was sitting and enjoying watching American Idol last night when a call came in. I could barely make out what the person was saying and could hear someone else screaming and saying something. Finally I made out what the caller was trying to say "Janet, the lady in 209 is on the floor and not responding".

I rushed to put on my shoes, Jack was right behind me, how he gets his on faster then me I'll never know. As Im running down the street I can here the ambulance in the distance and immediately I stopped running. A thought ran threw my head that Im going to see a dead body and I don't want to. I was scared!

Janet is one of my tenants, she has always been a dear friend and I knew this day would come, I just didn't think it would be like this or now. She was in her 60's with just about every health problem a person could have. Several months ago she had a heart problem which caused the doctors to stop her heart and restart it. I visited her several times in the hospital and took care of her birds while she was gone. When I first moved in here with Jack she was the first person to ever talk to me. Soon we talked daily. She was one of those neighbors that likes to know who you are, how many kids do you have and anything else of interest. When I became the manager of the apartments I felt sad because I couldn't talk to her as much as I used to. She liked to gossip and I couldn't being the manager now. I feel bad because a lot of times I had to cut our conversations short due to me being so busy and not having time to chit chat.

I walked up onto the walk way to her unit and the tenant who had called me was very excited and trying to figure out if she was dead. I stood in the door way and knew she was gone. I didn't have to get close to know. "she's gone Amy, she's not here, she's dead" I said that over and over again and Amy continued to look for any sign of life. Jack walked up behind me and held on to me, I turned and told him she's gone and he said softly "I know baby". As the ambulance finally pulled up, Jack was waving them in to the right place and I told the woman she was gone. Amy was still inside babbling and crying trying to figure out if she was dead. I don't think she wanted to believe it, that's why she kept frantically checking. Everyone that lived near Janet loved her. You couldn't help not to, she was just that kind of woman.

One thing I will always remember about her is her absolute honesty. She was one of those ladies that told you how it was and you either liked it or not. She had an opinion about everything and was sure to let you know what it was. As hard core as she was she also had a really soft side to her. She always bought me Christmas presents and one year made me a Birthday dinner. I remember how she told me, she called and said "I've made you lunch for your birthday, now get your ass down here and eat it before it gets cold". That was Janet.....and I loved that about her. When ever she would call me, which was nearly everyday, I would answer and she would say "well shut your mouth" and I'd say "what do you want lady". It was just between us and then we'd spend the next half hour talking about everything and everybody that we didn't talk about the day before.

I stood at the window peeking in as the paramedic turned her over. I started to cry and then felt the urge to throw up. I held it in and Jack came and pulled me away. He knew I'd have more nightmares if I continued to look. I knew I would to, but couldn't help but to see what was happening. I didn't want to believe she was really gone. I talked to the police a bit and we tried to figure out who was her next of kin and where she'd keep the numbers. We gave the officer an address book that Amy found inside and they called her daughter. They told us she was dead and that the coroner was on his way. Jack held me tight and said it was time to go back to our apartment. I agreed and we did.

American Idol was still on, I couldn't even concentrate on it. I just kept playing the picture of her slumped over on the ground in my mind. I knew I wouldn't sleep. I felt sorry for her, for her family and wondered if she was ok where ever she was now. My mind swims with so much today as I try to call her friends and wait for her family to arrive. I can't get the picture out of my mind. I keep thinking I should have walked slower so I didn't have to look.

Good bye friend, I hope your ok now. I love you and will always remember you! God Bless You!

Susan
~peace~

2006-02-20T07:44:00.000-06:00

Bitter temps made it hard to enjoy the weekend and I've been trying to nurse a sick fish back to health. It's a large Albino Oscar that we've had for 5 years. It's bad enough that when they are fine they act weird, but when they are sick even weirder. It's hard to tell if he's really sick or sulking because I moved living room furniture around. Ya...they are that sensitive.
I'll never forget when we got him/her (we've never figured out the sex but always assume it's a he). He was just a baby no bigger then a half dollar swimming alone in a tank at the pet shop. We knew nothing about Oscars or any kind of fish for that matter. "aww, how sad, it's all alone...lets get it". We bought the little Oscar and a 10 gallon tank and headed home. We also purchased some friends to keep him company. Then one day we realized his friends were gone. They were no where to be found. Not floating, hadn't jumped from the tank...hmm *scratching head*. So we bought him two more little friends. It was at that moment when we dropped his new friends into the tank, that we realized what had happen to his other friends. "Ohhhhhhhh *gasp* did you see that!!".
We turned to the internet and quickly learned what kind of fish we had on our hands.

After that we learned that Oscars are very unique fish. They are often called the 'puppy dog' of fish. They are very sensitive to change, they don't like anything, will sulk when mad and sometimes will actually demand attention from you. Our Oscar can be hand fed, petted and often found scooping up large rocks and spitting them at the large pleco, his only surviving friend. We think he only allows it to remain so he has something to torture and it helps that it bigger then he is. When we moved from an upstairs unit to a down stairs until he was mad at us for a week. Every time I rearrange the living room he stops eating for a couple days. He will watch everything that goes on around his tank and Jack even swears sometimes he's watching T.V. with us. I have to admit, it sure seems that way.

Our Oscar is a little over 5 yrs old now and Im not sure how long they live. I noticed last week that he was not swimming right. He stopped eating and I've been treating the tank with various medications. I think we may have him on the mend now. Today he is actually swimming about and looking pissed off as usual.

I hope everyone had a great weekend and may you all have a wonderful week ahead!

Susan
~peace~

Happy Valentines Day!

2006-02-14T08:06:00.000-06:00

Ahhh....Valentines Day, the day most dreaded by men all over the world. What to get that special someone? Clueless men lined up at the local discount store to get the wife a card. Some just reach in and grab one, others actually read the card. Those are the ones that have been married the longest. They know the importance of getting one that says just the 'right' things. If you want to know which men are the best husbands, stand outside the hallmark store, cause those are the good men who pay top dollar, however, you have to go a week early to find the REALY good men, not the last minuters. All the single guys laughing and pointing at the 'whipped' men, when deep down they secretly wish they had someone to buy a card for. Some men buy the roses and chocolates and some men buy the stuffed gorilla's in red boxers that sing "hunk a hunk a burning luv". Other men are buying the wife a sexy new nighty that she'll never wear, but he prays to the sex God's she wont throw it in the draw with the 2 dozen others he's bought. A few men wont get anything at all and will pay the price for the REST OF THEIR LIVES! This is the day that will make or break a new relationship.

On the flip side, some women all over the world are anxiously awaiting for their brilliant husbands to FINALLY GET IT RIGHT THIS YEAR! Other women are sitting around the office staring at the door wondering when the flower delivery guy will walk in and a few women know the drill and don't care anymore.

I have already been kissed, wished a Happy Valentines Day and told to be dressed and ready for dinner out when he gets home tonight. Jack has already been conditioned. He KNOWS the drill, he's been there done that and knows that there is nothing worse then a woman pissed off on valentines day. Not from me .... I think part of the problem with society these days is that we put so much pressure on not screwing up Valentines day, Christmas, Anniversaries and Birthdays that we forget the other 361 'unimportant' days.

I would be lying if I said Jack and I were the perfect couple and never have problems. We struggle just like everyone else. He lives with chronic pain and I'm experiencing hormonal changes. Together our lives are cluttered with tears, extra strength tylenol and herbal supplements. It's very easy for me to dream and think of a different life. I am sure when I am having a hormonal moment Jack is playing that game too. We all do it, it's human nature to want to change what we can't.

My message for today is to make everyday Valentines Day with the one you love. It is easier to replace one brick in the foundation of your relationship, then having to rebuild it from the ground up. Jack was up last night finishing the last of the mortar around the brick he replaced yesterday. All is sturdy in our house.

Susan
~peace~

2006-01-29T08:13:00.000-06:00

It seems like so often some little, or sometimes big, incident happens at the apartment complex I live in. It usually involves water. The last time was a tenant leaving the lid to a toilet tank off and the flow master valve popping up and flooding the entire apartment and the one below. *ugh* what a mess!

Last night at 10pm Jack and I were snuggling down in bed when there was a very loud knock at the door. I knew from the sound of it something was wrong. I opened the door and a frantic tenant was standing at my door screaming that there is smoke in the hallway and in their apartment. I advised her to call 911 and I'd be right there. Jack heard part of the conversation and was already up, dressed and putting on his shoes. I had to get dressed and get my contacts in so I could see. Jack grabbed the flashlight and took off. By the time I made it down the street to the other building I was greeted by one of the tenants say "your husband went in the smoke filled hall and laundry room and came out with a smoldering trash can, someone threw a cigarette in it!". I walked up and my husband is standing there all calm and cool and saying "baby someone tossed a cigarette in here" as he showed me the trash can. We got all the doors open and aired out the laundry room and hallway. Just as all the smoke cleared the fire dept pulled up. There was a lot of speculation as to who would do that, why would someone do it, was it intentional or an accident, no one knows.

I was so proud of Jack for being such a pro in this situation because I certainly wouldn't have been. Most of you already know that my husband Jack is a retired Lt. Firefighter and last night I was thanking my lucky stars that he was and knew what he was doing. I don't think I would have went into a smoke filled room and felt around in the darkness. In fact I know I wouldn't have. I would have been to scared. I was so relieved to find out that it wasn't something major and we were able to take care of it. What could have been a disaster turned out ok and thankfully I had Jack here to help me. Normally I have to deal with these issues on my own. I don't know what I would have done without him last night.

Jack, if you read this...(and sometimes he does)....I love you and thank you for saving the day...or night...your the best!!

P.S. Thank you for going back and getting my shoes so I didn't have to stand in the rain any longer with bare feet. BRRR that was COLD!

Susan
~peace~

2006-01-28T19:01:00.000-06:00

I live in a nice neighborhood, it's a well ta do subdivision and the homes here are really nice. So are the apartment buildings, including the one I live in and manage. We pay to have our lawn mowed, our leaves picked up, our snow shoveled from the drive. The people who live in our buildings are generally nice people who enjoy living here and are proud to call this place home. For some reason the upity folks around here seem to think our yards are their dogs toilet. We have a strict pet policy here and our tenants have a designated area that they must take their dogs and pick up after them. Currently we have two dogs that live on site. Day after day I watch as a couple of neighborhood people walk by with their dogs. Anyone who has a dog or has ever owned a dog knows that dogs tend to go in the same spot a lot. So it's not a surprise that every time these dogs get here they have to stop in a regular spot and go. Normally I wouldn't give a crap (pun intended) because the owners picked it up before, but recently I've noticed they are not picking up after their dogs. So Im walking down the sidewalk that is in front of our building and there are several piles. It looks horrible, it stinks and it's gross. If I were a dog owner and I allow my dog to crap in someone else's yard.......Wait.....First of all I wouldn't let that happen in the first place and if it did by accident I would clean it up right away.

I remember watching the movie 'me, myself and Irene' and Jim Carey's charater got sick of his neighbors dog crapping in his yard so one morning he walked over and took a dump in the neighbors yard. Now Im not gonna do this, but I am trying to think up a way to stop this from happening. Perhaps a little homemade sign that says 'please pick up after your dog'? Or Maybe "Attention dog owners, our yard isn't a good place to do business" or "No Dumping". How about a catchy little rhyme like "I love my pet, you love yours too, Respect your neighbors and take the poo with you".

I know I probably can't do anything about it really, but maybe if just one dog owner reads this that doesn't pick up after their dog.....aww that's a stretch isn't it?

ok, rant over...Back to your regularly scheduled program.
Susan
~peace~

2006-01-23T11:16:00.000-06:00

I love it when Jack leaves his shoes out in the middle of the floor.

I love when he makes a mess with his lunch all over the table.

I love when he puts things away in the wrong place.

I love when he drives badly and scares me to death.

I love when he goes to take out the trash and spills garbage everywhere in my freshly cleaned kitchen.

I love when he leaves the sink dirty from shaving.

I love when he drinks the last of the milk and puts the carton back in the fridge.

Why?
Because it means he's still here with me!

TGIF!

2006-01-13T12:29:00.000-06:00

What a lovely start to a three day weekend. Rain turning to sleet turning to snow!

I actually like it, call me wierd, but I enjoy watching the weather change. Jack and I have food so we're in for the weekend and who cares what it's like outside.

Jack and I made a big decission about the van this week. We decided since it was now not starting at all that we were going to just let it go. We didn't want to put anymore money into it and certainly didn't want to be paying insurance on something we can't drive. We had first thought we would just call the junk yard to come get it. Then a guy we know asked if he could have it or buy it from us. He wants to try and fix it up and use for a work vehicle. We decided to give him the van and let him do what he wants to it. So today I signed over the title to it to the guy. I doubt I'll ever see that van on the road again but who knows.

In a way the van leaving symbolizes the end of any material connection I've had to my ex. It is the only thing left that I took from our divorce that I still had. Ofcourse I didn't take anything, but that was my choice. So now everything of material value that I had from my first marriage is gone. I no longer have to look at something like that and think about my past. The only connection I have now is my children and Im happy to have that one.

ok...off to do some things I've been putting off. I've been lazy enough today. May you all dream happy dreams and may they come true!
Susan
~peace~

Dealing with grief at a distance

2006-01-08T09:18:00.000-06:00

Today is the day my family back east (Vermont) will have a service for my Grandmother. Tomorrow there will be a time for friends to visit and then she will be taken to the cemetery where her body will be held as they have to wait until spring to bury people. Another burial service will be held in the spring.

The strong urgency to want to be there has to be suppressed. Every time I think of not being able to say goodbye a stream of tears wash down my face. I wanted to be able to touch her hand, tell her goodbye properly. I'll have to settle with doing it from a distance. Today will be the hardest day yet. I'll wait for the phone call from my Aunt telling me how it went, how lovely and peaceful she looked.....

I tried doing some things to get my mind off it, but it only gets worse. I may stay curled up in bed most of the day.

adieu
Susan
~peace~

Moving forward

2006-01-07T09:59:00.000-06:00

Thank you to all my readers for all the warm wishes during my loss and pain. You don't know how much that truly means to me. It lifts me and renews my hope in that there really are good people out there.

Today I started walking. I decided last night it was time to do something about my weight. I am at my personal limit right now. Im uncomfortable both inside and out. I got out my jogging pants that I haven't had out in months and slipped on a nice comfy sweatshirt, threw on my sunglasses and bounced out the door. The air is cold but after a block I started to warm up and it felt good. I could feel my lungs screaming at me "whaaaaa fresh air!" I screamed back "get used to it!" and moved on. I live in a 'well to do' subdivision and you always see gals like me out walking so I knew I'd fit right in. About half way threw the winding streets I started to feel like I wanted to stop, but I kept going. It felt like I would never get back around to my street. Finally! the home stretch. I had made note of what time I left so I could increase the time I stay out and walk each week. I figure the first week I'll keep it the same and go farther the following week. Jack always says "inch by inch is a cinch", so Im going by that saying.

Jack had to work thismorning and should be home about lunch time. He's taking me out tonight to officially celebrate our anniversary. I'm excited I always love going to the city. Ofcourse he could take me to the dump and I'd be happy. Until we purchased the truck we couldn't get out of town. Speaking of the van, I drove it to the post office yesterday while Jack was at work. It was so bad I wasn't sure it would get me back home. We're going to have a serious talk about whether we should keep it around at all. Im still not convinced it's the transmission, but then I'm not a specialist in that department so what do I know.

well I hear a shower calling me. I love you all and thank you all again for being there for me.

Susan
~peace~

She was a kind and caring soul

2006-01-06T08:11:00.000-06:00

If I were to only remember one thing about my Grandmother it would be that she was such a kind, caring, loving and thoughtful woman. Constantly fussing over my Grandpa and everyone else. If she wasn't in the kitchen either cooking again or cleaning again she was with the grandkids watching us play or reading us a story. She was very involved with us kids. I can remember her hand sewing her old dresses to make dress up clothes for all the girls. Every hat and purse she owned eventually made it to the dress up box. My grandmother had this unique way of giving you a gift. She would make up a treasure hunt about the house. She'd hand you a note that had a little rhyme on it giving you a hint where to find the next clue. The treasures were not always some new fangled toy, sometimes they were little things she had made or something old she had that she wanted you to have. Sometimes just a note pinned to a fabric heart she had sewn saying she loved you. With as many grandchildren as she had, she did an amazing job making each individual child feel special and loved.

I know that she adored my Grandfather, she was always a busy bee around him making sure he had everything he needed. Dinner's were not small, she would cook and cook and cook. The spreads she would put out on a table were enough for two army's. There was always something for everyone's taste. After each dinner she'd stand around the kitchen and clean till her hands were prunes. Sometimes she wouldn't be finished cleaning after one meal when she'd have to start the next. To this day I cook a lot of meals that were taught to me and handed down by my Grandmother.

I will miss her dearly and feel guilt that I did not contact her as often as I should have in my adult years. It's something I will have to be ashamed of. I will miss her Christmas cards with letters attached telling me about the garden and the birds that visit her. The scoldings from her telling me to write her more and send pictures. She was a gentle soul that deserved so much more in life, but was happy with what she was given.

God bless you Grandma, I love you and will miss you. Thank you for being the most wonderful Grandma a child could ask for. Thank you for all your love, hugs and kisses. May your soul rest in peace now. May your love live on in those you have touched.

Amazing Grace

"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, That saved a wretch like me....I once was lost but now am found,Was blind, but now, I see. T'was Grace that taught...my heart to fear.And Grace, my fears relieved.How precious did that Grace appear...the hour I first believed. Through many dangers, toils and snares...we have already come.T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...and Grace will lead us home. The Lord has promised good to me...His word my hope secures.He will my shield and portion be...as long as life endures. When we've been here ten thousand years...bright shining as the sun.We've no less days to sing God's praise...then when we've first begun. "Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, That saved a wretch like me....I once was lost but now am found,Was blind, but now, I see.

Psalm 23

"The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me: thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil: my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever."

Susan

~peace~

Good bye Grandma..........

2006-01-05T20:07:00.000-06:00

I started this blog to say my Grandma was ill and wasn't expected to make it much more then a week. Just as I had started this my Dad called me back to tell me she didn't make it.

I want to tell you all about her, but I can't right now. I will try tomorrow.

Susan
~peace~

Don't loan our your clippers!

2006-01-05T08:52:00.000-06:00

If you have ever shaved your husbands head with your brand new eyebrow trimmer, you may be a redneck............
or someone who loaned out your trimmer and it was never returned.

Jack was on vacation from work for 2 weeks. Normally he would shave his head every morning before work. He decided during his 2 weeks of pure rest and relaxation that he'd let it grow out. I was really enjoying his new look. I tried to encourage him to just leave it short.

We both had to return to work on Tuesday the 3rd and were dreading it. We both got quite used to sleeping until dinner time. On the evening of the 2nd Jack decided he was going to shave his head for work the next day instead of waiting until morning. Thank goodness he did, I can't imagine how this would have played out at 5:30am.

He lathered up his head, chased me about the apartment with shaving cream filled hands and then began to shave. As I headed down the hallway telling him some silly story as I always do I paused as I noticed the look on his face. "what's wrong?" I asked. "it's to long and it's not shaving off with this razor" he replied. "get out our clippers" he said. Suddenly a lump formed in my throat. I began to sweat as he turned and looked at me with urgency. I stared at his now brutaly chopped up hair. "oh don't tell me we don't have clippers anymore baby" he pleaded. "um...er...I loaned them out and......"

As he continued to hack away at his head with a razor I could hear him grumbling under his breath. I was rushing about trying to find the power cord to his beard trimmer that he hasn't used in over a year. I looked in every drawer, cabinet and junk drawer I could find. His groans began to get louder and I began to panic. "Wait.....I got a little trimmer!" I proudly stated. I had him sit down on the stool. I took out an eyebrow trimmer with a cutting area of less then a half an inch. Jack sat with a look on his face that I have never seen before. I kept trying to make light of the situation and kept assuring him that it was working to just give me a min or two. I noticed he was wincing and scrunching his nose so I asked "does it hurt?" He replied "like getting a tattoo!" ooooh errrr oops! "sorry" I said as I continued to carve 1/4 inch paths in his head. When we were done his head looked like it was pecked to death by a flock of wild birds. He was NOT amused!

He'll laugh about it once his head stops burning and we have purchased a new set of clippers. Until then every time he touches his head he looks at me like I ate the last cookie in the jar.

Because we went on vacation to see my kids for Christmas and bought a new truck three days before the holidays we had to struggle a bit money wise for a week before payday. It felt worse because we didn't have a lot of food in the apartment before the holidays. Today is payday....Thank God....IM sick of pb&j and soup. I realized this past week (survival week as Jack called it) that it is times like this that weird food concoction are invented. I ate stale chips and catsup for dip, made mayonnaise sandwiches, catsup and mustard sandwiches and noodles and ranch dressing. I learned one very valuable food lesson this past week. You can't replace water for milk when making instant pudding. Yuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

I want to thank all my readers for continuing to read my silly dribble. I hope all of you have a great weekend. May you all feel loved by someone and may peace fill your hearts.

Susan
~peace~

Happy Anniversary!

2006-01-03T10:16:00.000-06:00

Our love has grown into something bigger and brighter then I had ever imagined it would. You have taken me to places I have never been before, and we never left our home. You have shown me what true love really is and it didn't hurt a bit. You have shown me how a real man treats a woman and you didn't once raise your voice or turn your back. You are a true gentleMAN and I love you mostly for that quality. I thank your Mother and Father for giving you that amazing gift.

You have given me the gift of freedom, the gift to be me and express who I am. You allow me to be a woman and have taught me how to be a lady. There is nothing in this world that I need as long as I have you by my side.

We have suffered threw some terrible times and came out on the brighter side, thanks to you and your kindness and compassion. I know no other man who possesses greater qualities. Your wisdom teaches me things I never would have known before. You have an amazing gift of truth.

Thank you for loving me and most importantly, thank you for being such a loving, caring, compassionate, understanding and rock solid MAN.

I love you!

Susan
~peace~

Happy New Year!

2005-12-29T20:35:00.000-06:00

I never been one to make a new years resolution. I was always horrible at giving something up for lent too. One year I gave up eating candy bars and ate my weight in twix because it says cookie bar. It does!

I do have a few goals I'd like to reach. The all famous lose weight is at the top of the list. We've already gone back to being veggie heads. We don't do it because we are some peta freaks, we do it because Jack's diet is suppose to not contain red meat and you can only eat so much chicken, so one day we said..hey, lets not eat meat. It was amazing how much better we felt. Jack's cholesterol lowered and mine was perfect. Now we just have to exercise more. We slowed down on the exercising, ever since the incident with the yoga ball (which we don't talk about!).

So here is to a new year a comeith..(holding my glass up high)....I hope that everyone I love gets what they deserve first, then may I receive what I desire. I wish only the best to those who are sad and lonely and that they find exactly what they look for. May the world be more peace full in 2006. I wish for wars to end and loved ones come home safe. I hope to be drown in happiness and everlasting love with Jack by my side.

Peace to all my friends!
Susan

Long time no blog.....

2005-12-27T09:14:00.000-06:00

Hey! I'm back! Did you miss me??

Well, where to start. So much has happen to us since the last time you've heard from me. To start off I have to tell you about the black cat. Remember him?

The day after the big snow storm Jack and I decided to get out and get some food. We turned the corner at the light where the black cat had raced us to cross in front of us, and found a startling sight. There on the side of the road in the exact spot we last saw him, he lay dead....hit by a car no doubt.

As Christmas approached we both began to feel the pressures of the holiday. We rented a car and took a trip to St.Louis to see my kids. We took a few gifts and most importantly checks for them to use towards Ipods. We had a really nice time and both kids were pleasant and had a good time.

We returned home and started Jack's holiday vacation off by taking the van into the shop. We had noticed a knocking noise and wanted to get it checked out since it was our only vehicle. We got a call from the shop telling us it was the transmission going out. Both of us sunk down and began to worry and wonder what we should do now. $800.00 to fix!! The old van was not worth it. My thoughts went towards the van breaking down and Jack not getting to work. We put our heads together, shaved Jacks beard and headed off to the bank with all fingers and toes crossed. To our surprise we had nothing to worry about. It turned out we have excellent credit and a loan was no problem. We left the bank and went car shopping. We ended up with a very nice 1999 dodge Dakota pick up truck. It's very clean and very nice. We couldn't be happier and are still pinching ourselves. Things are finally looking up!

Christmas if over and the new year is coming at us. I'll take down the tree today and get the apartment back to normal. Normally I'd leave it up a bit longer but it really takes up to much space. I'm ready to start the new year and bring a renewed feeling of happiness and joy to our little world.

Jack and I will celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary on Jan. 3rd. I love him more today and that love grows each day he shows me what a true man he really is.

Susan
~peace~

Ghost cat?

2005-11-19T20:28:00.000-06:00

The oddest thing happen to us today. First it happen to me as I was walking down the hall to the bedroom. I could have sworn one of the cats was right behind me. As I turned the corner I saw that all three were laying on the bed. I shook it off and didn't really think much more of it. Later in the evening Jack said he was coming out of the bathroom and could have sworn Layla was right behind him, he even said something to her and almost tripped trying to avoid stepping on her. Then he realized nothing was there and I was busy feeding all three of them in the kitchen.

So Im wondering now if we have a ghost cat.

If your an avid reader you already know where this is going....don't you...lol!

The girls and I sat around the coffee table. I lit some candles and we put our hands together...errr...paws. Gert was really scared at first but then after I promised she could have extra tuna she agreed to stay. Nothing happen and they all three fell asleep 5 min into it. Lazy felines! I spent the better part of the evening making our own weegie board. I thought we'd try again once they all stopped napping and licking themselves.

Once we got focused we tried again. I began to ask questions as we had our fingers/pads on the empty tuna can. "are you a good cat spirit?"......nothing....."what is your name?".........again nothing. The girls were beginning to loose interest. Suddenly the candle flickered and we felt a presence. The tuna can began to move slowly around the board. "are you a good cat?" I asked again.....the can now zooming around the board. It stopped on the letter W. "what is your name"...zoom zoom H. Jack grabbed a note pad and started to write down the letters. "why are you here?" ......O....zoooooom O....I started to get scared and Gert looked as though she was seeing something. The tuna can whizzed around the board again stopping on F. I asked Jack to read it back to us...."what does it say"?? He paused for a moment, looked up at me and said with a puzzled voice "Whoof?"

Ya well Im sick today so that's all the better it gets! *grin*

Susan
~peace~

I now believe in stooperstition

2005-11-11T09:01:00.000-06:00

If you read my blog yesterday you will remember the race we had with a black cat. Last night about 10pm there was a knock at the door. I hesitated to even answer it but figured I better. A frantic tenant was standing at my door telling me water was leaking from an upstairs unit and flooding the hallway.

Some new people I had just moved in last friday had taken the lid off the back of thier toilet and the tube that carries the water to the tank had come loose, flipped up and was spraying a steady stream of water into the hallway. It flooded thier hallway, the hallway in the apartment below them and the laundry room next to the downstairs unit. Thank God Jack was with me, I was in a panic running around trying to find our shopvac. It didn't matter though because it was way to much water for us to handle. I ended up calling the carpet cleaners to come suck up the water. The maintenance man will work today even though it's our day off. He has to help get some light fixtures dried out so we don't have electrical problems.

Jack woke thismorning, got ready for work and came to kiss me goodbye. He leaned down and whispered in my ear "baby, next time Im gonna run the cat over". I giggled in my sleepiness and he marched off to work. We're both sleepy from being up late taking care of this problem and hoping the wrath of the black cat is over.

Susan
~peace~

The Black Cat

2005-11-10T17:52:00.000-06:00

Im about to tell you a story that you are not going to believe. Jack and I can hardly believe it ourselves and have not stopped laughing about it since.

First let me tell you how my day went as it leads up to this very funny ending. The perfect ending for a good day, in the life of Jack and Susan that is.

Today was my Friday, tomorrow is a holiday and Jack's birthday is Saturday the 12th. I have been thinking and preparing for Jack's Birthday for weeks. I was able to purchase Jack a gift that I ordered online. I was happy about that, and that it was arriving today, just in time!

So Today I had a fairly quiet day and I have been anxiously awaiting a parcel from a friend in the U.K.. I had a funny feeling it would arrive today. Call it intuition or like Jack, call me a witch, either way I had a feeling it was coming today. I got the knock at my door from the postman and sure enough, it was here! I started dancing around with it like a little kid who's never been sent a present. I felt extremely excited and wanted to open right away. I didn't know if I should wait so Jack could see or just open it. I set it down on the coffee table and ran to get a knife. Before I took the knife to it I examined the stickers and writing on it. "OOH, it says 'Royal Mail'! WOW, I've never had anything sent to me from anywhere but the U.S.. This was so neat to me. I ran my fingers around the box and even smelled it. I really don't know why other then I was trying to soak up every bit of it. I removed the string from around the box, which by the way was totally neat to me. I've never gotten a parcel with string around it. Why this fascinated me I don't know. I finally opened it and slowly started pulling out all the goodies. I read the card enclosed and felt choked up, but had promised I wouldn't cry! It was like Christmas or my Birthday! I loved everything! I could not email this person fast enough to thank her. I was so excited and happy that I typed the wrong password to my email three times. I thought I'd never get it right. I called Jack and he was tickled pink and was so glad and excited also. I finally felt like someone on this earth gave a damn. It was the pick me up I really needed and I love this lady with all my heart! They don't get any better then her!

Later in the day Jack's present I ordered came and that was great too. I was happy it arrived on time for his birthday. Jack picked me up so we could run to the grocery store. I wanted to order him a cake and he wanted some blueberry tea. On the way home we were about 4 blocks away and we had to slow down to let a car in front of us turn. As we were slowing up I noticed an all black cat in a parking lot about 20ft away. I jokingly said "oh no, don't cross our path black cat". Jack looked over and chuckled a bit. I kept my eye on the cat as we started to move again. Suddenly the cat began to walk faster and came closer and closer to us. Just as we are picking up speed the cat was at a dead run next to us trying to cross in front of us. Jack said "oh my god what is that cat doing!, it's RACING US!". I said "Oh crap it's trying to cross in front of us!!". Jack HAD to slow up a bit to avoid hitting the cat! As he did it darted out in front of us and crossed the street. We both started laughing and saying Oh MAN!! It was completely unbelievable! Jack started calling me a witch and telling me It was all my fault that I was the weird one. I was freaking out and laughing so hard I nearly wet myself. We continued to talk about it during dinner and I told Jack that no one would ever believe us. It was just to crazy of a story. I can still see that cat at a dead run next to our van determined to cross in front of us. Amazing is all I can think to say.

So that was my day...the perfect ending!
Susan
~peace~

2005-11-07T09:10:00.000-06:00

I feel like Im disappointing my readers by writing about how tired I am. I have nothing new to talk about except that Im tired. No sleep last night, Jack was up and down again. I woke up feeling pissed off but I can't be pissed at him, it's not his fault. So today I'll stuff more feelings of selfishness, I can only be angry at myself for knowing better. How can I get upset with a man living with chronic pain? Im a horrible person for even thinking it. I feel myself sinking into a black hole, everything around me is caving in. I want to scream at the top of my lungs "I just want my old Jack!" I just want to laugh and snuggle again! I can't help but to think this is some sort of punishment from God and poor Jack is stuck in the middle of it all.

While driving threw town yesterday Jack and I see this family who we sort of know and they are driving around in a nice car and recently moved into a nice rental house. We keep scratching our heads because we can't figure out how they afford it. Our only conclusion is that they must be in debt over their heads. Why is it those who do not have always seem to find or get and those who struggle to get ahead never get anywhere. I feel like we are spinning our tires in mud. Now with Christmas upon us we are sure to slide right back down and suffer a financial set back for the purchase of a vehicle once again. I am wondering if being in debt over your head is the way to be. I don't know if I can live like that or not. The stress of owing people money would throw me over the edge. How do people wake up every morning and feel worthy of even the smallest of pleasures when you know you owe someone thousands of dollars? I will never understand that.

Jack's birthday is Saturday the 12th. Im debating on whether I should get him something or just make a nice meal and bake a cake. I know Jack would not care either way. I hate not being able to do both and not even think twice about it.

well, it is Monday again....I wish I could sleep through till Friday, but I can't so I need to go.
Susan
~peace~

BOOOO!

2005-10-31T11:41:00.000-06:00

I got my candy ready and the apartment in order. Im ready for the trick or treaters. Hopefully only treaters...I hate tricks!

Im tired today, and trying to get through it without crying. I have a very important and scary task tomorrow. I have to face a dangerous renter whom I've been trying to evict since June and the day has finally come that I can take back possession. Im scared! this guy is crazy and capable of anything. I always thought threats of violence and death was against the law. Our local cops here don't seem to care so much that he's threatened so many people here. So stressed and tired I am.

Jack had a horrible night. Up and down, using the heat pad and sleeping in the chair. The pain in his back has spread. He's now feeling pain from his neck down to his butt. Some of it gets better then flares up in another spot. Last night it was his neck giving him problems. Saturday night it was his lower back. He tried to use the computer saturday a bit, then his back suddenly seized up and he had to go to the couch. It was a bad weekend for him, but he's back to work today. He called me a while ago to say he's in alot of pain and trying to work through it. I begged him to come home but he's to bull headed to do that. So I'll sit here and worry sick about him and cry a bit.

We got the bill from the MRI, I haven't shown him and probably wont. I'll just get it paid so he doesn't feel bad about it. It's alot and will set us back for christmas and the purchasing of a vehicle that we need so badly, but we'll manage to get by. We always do, I just hope he realizes he's eating so much soup for a reason. One year we ate so much soup I thought we'd both turn to noodles.

I was outside for a bit thismorning and when I returned to the apartment I could still smell the menthol ointment lingering in the air. I'll get some candles going, I hate the smell of it! My head is pounding with stress and to much sugar from halloween candy! I just want to lay down and I might!

Susan
~Peace~

Happy Halloween!

2005-10-30T14:21:00.000-06:00

Im so glad it's the end of the month. Everything with me is fine. Jack however is another story. As you (my readers) know, Jack was recently diagnosed with degenerative disc disease and authritis in his spine. He has good days and bad days. Recently more bad then good. I am trying to be a good caregiver to him. I get a bit stressed and overwhelmed with everything. I want to take his pain and can't. He's started taking some herbs for his joints, I have my fingers crossed that it gives him some relief over time.
I don't really have anything funny to write about, as there really isn't anything funny happening here. Just a lot of ointment being applied and a lot of therapy on the yoga ball.

Susan
~peace~
I have a lot of people on my list to send positive thoughts to....Please know IM getting to those often. Love to you all!

2005-10-17T08:40:00.000-05:00

What a weekend I had........

Sorry this most likely wont be a silly, fun post, but just the events of my weekend.

My daughter called thursday night and wanted me to attend a marching band comp that she was going to be in, in a town an hour away from me. I wasn't sure if Jack and I could afford to rent a car and go, but at the last min on friday we managed to do some figures and make it work.

On friday my father, his wife and my aunt and uncle from Vermont came here for dinner. We had a nice time, it was great getting to see them. It actually turned out better then I had anticipated.

Saturday morning we woke at 6 am and started out on our trip to see my daughter march in the band. I was excited to see my son too! I got to sit next to Andy the whole time and it was great! He didn't know I was coming so it was a HUGE surprize to him when I called out his name as he was walking down the sidewalk towards us. Anna did an awesome job! Her band was great! They were the best! We watched several others while waiting for her's. It was so much fun! Jack had a great time too and for once his back wasn't bothering him.

I got alot of great pictures of the weekend. None that I can post here though. Sorry!

Well, I'm off to do my usual monday stuff. Hopefully it will be uneventful
Susan
~peace~

The Fly

2005-10-12T11:10:00.000-05:00

I have a fly in my office. Yesterday Gert (my cat) nearly took down two sets of curtains trying to get the fly behind them. I swatted at the fly and could have sworn I killed it. Like a scary movie the damn thing must have gotten back up when I turned my back.

I don't have a fly swatter because I normally don't have any fly's bugging me. So I had to make one. I rolled up a thin phone book and tried that for a while. My aim was way off and I took out two pictures on the wall.

So I thought I'd have to out smart this fly. How hard could this be, it's a fly and he's flying into a window over and over again. I yanked up the mini blind, pulled back the curtain and got my swatter ready. Gert was next to me waiting patiently to eat the body when I was done. Hmmm, it seems to be gone. I looked at Gert, she looked at me and we both scratched our heads.

Later that evening I was sitting at my desk and I hear something buzzing in the light next to me. OH...there it is! the FLY! I retrieved my fly hitting device from the trash can and smiled devilishly as I knew this was the end of the road for the little guy. I swung and missed, swung again and hit the lamp, it tettered but I saved it from falling over. I swung again and missed, then he landed on the wall....."ah ha! I got you NOW!" I screamed! I carefully took am and just as I was about to swing it flew off towards the window. I ran over to the window and started to beat the drapes silly. It whizzed by my head as if to taunt me "screw you, you little shit, I'll get you!" I screamed! I ran back across the room and swung into the air....swooosh swoooosh! I'd get this little thing if it killed me! As I swung things began to crash all around me. The computer speaker falls off the desk, my can of pop now sideways and leaking Pepsi all over my keyboard, my corded phone off the hook and buzzing at me!

As the dust settled there I stood in a pile of broken figurines , papers and left over drink cans. I stood quiet listening for the enemy..................nothing...............I must have gotten him!

The next day, after I cleaned my office,I was sitting at my desk supper gluing my figurines back together. I had just placed a small drop of glue on the precious flower figurine, now missing a dainty butterfly that lay on my desk in peaces, when out of the corner of my eye I see a shadow on the wall. I stopped and slowly put the tube of supper glue down. I leaned back in my chair ever so slowly. My eyes shifting left and right searching for something, anything to throw at this evil being. The little bugger buzzed right past me and I followed him with my eyes, then he swooped down and back up. He zoomed threw the air right in front of me and then to my surprise and delight he landed right on top of the glue that was just placed on the flower figurine. The fly spread his wings in the attempt to escape but his tiny legs were now stuck in the glue. I looked down at the broken ceramic butterfly that used to adore the top of the flower and noticed an amazing resemblance. I smiled deviantly.............then carefully placed the figuring back on the shelf where it had fallen from. I figure the buzzing will stop soon.. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*this is a story and no annoying flies were actually hurt*

OOOPS!

Susan
~Peace~

OH FUDGE!

2005-10-07T08:59:00.000-05:00

Something terrible has happen to Jack and myself. We have discovered FUDGE. Not just any fudge, Kristy's fudge. Im not real sure exactly who Kristy is, although I did meet her, I just don't really KNOW her. I am fearful however that Jack could leave me for her if she's single....ya...it's THAT GOOD! I myself would leave Jack for her!

Let me explain what has transpired to cause such a ruckus over Kristy and her fudge. It all started last weekend when we took a trip with Jack's sister to a craft fair. It was at this time that our lives changed forever. As we strolled along looking at the different craft tables we noticed Jack's sister had stopped to talk to a vendor. They seemed to know each other and his sister purchased something from her. As we approached we were introduced to Kristy, the fudge and candy lady. His sister says, "this is the best fudge you will ever taste in your life....here try some". She broke of a peace and Jack and I split it up. Now up until this point I had not been a 'fudge person'. I really find it to be to sweet and have never really loved the stuff. As I placed the small morsel of fudge into my mouth I was thinking, just say it's good to be nice. Then suddenly it hit my tongue and it was as if I was eating the most glorious thing I have ever tasted! I heard a choir "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH" and a bright light came down from the sky. Colors became brighter and suddenly I was in heaven.

I turned to Jack and said...MMMMM, This is GOOD! He wasn't looking at me, he was looking at Kristy with a twinkle in his eye and a HUGE GOOFY GRIN on his face. "Jack...........Jack(poke)........JACK!" I said as I sucked every bit of the fudge from my finger. "Huh" he replied......"It's good isn't it?" I asked. "Ya.....it's..gooooooood" he said like a 13yr old boy who just saw boobies for the first time in his life.

I am not exaggerating one bit when I tell you it is the most delicious stuff I have ever had on my tongue. It literally melts in your mouth. It is as is you were at a fancy wedding and you just scooped off a huge hunk of icing from the cake with your finger. It is SO GOOD. We ended up purchasing three lbs of the heavenly stuff. We couldn't stop talking about it the whole evening. Every time we walked past the fridge we would each sneak a chunk off it. That night I went to bed....first checking to make sure there was still a pound of the cookies and cream fudge left in the fridge. Satisfied that it was safe and all in one piece, I went off to dream land dreaming of fudge. The next morning I did my usual chores, started the laundry and remembered the fudge. It was entirely to early in the morning to be eating fudge, but I decided to atleast peek at it and plan when I would have my first bit of the day. I opened the fridge and the scene I saw next still plays in my head, in slow motion, *ggggaaaassssspppppp!" (eyes open wide, jaw drops) It's goneeeeeeee!!!!!!!! Where is the fudge!??? "JAAAAAACCCKKKKKKKKK!"

What happen next was NOT pretty and I can't speak of it, But I will say that I became a monster and I hunted this man down and beat him to an inch of his life!
Not really, but I sure felt like it! My husband, a grown man of 56yrs old, ate the ENTIRE block of fudge by himself! All I have to say here is he's damn lucky that Im a nice person or I would have kicked his ass out!

So......a week later we are missing the fudge and talking about it like it was a dear friend or loved one. Then it hits me. Jack's sister knows this woman Kristy who makes the fudge. We'll just call her and find out where we can get MORE fudge! Yes, this is good.....we can get more fudge. So last night we got our hands on 2lbs of fudge. Mint chocolate swirl and chocolate peanutbutter swirl. The one we really wanted was the orange and white chocolate (dreamcicle) but they were sold out. I drew up a contract last night before going to bed and made Jack sign it. It basicly said that if he touched the fudge while I was sleeping he would have to surrender his balls to me. I think he got the point.

So as I type this I am nibbling on the mint swirl and wondering how much of it I can eat before I get sick. It sure would be worth it to know.

I plan to include this fudge in all of my Christmas givings this year......So speak up now if you wish to get some fudge from me this year. I need to make my list!

Susan
~Peace~

You got some BALLS!

2005-10-06T10:06:00.000-05:00

Or one big one!

Yesterday I stared at the yoga ball that was decorating our living room (because I have no other flippin place to put a ball bigger then mount Rushmore), and decided I would pop in the DVD that came with it and do some yoga. How hard could this be, it's a stupid ball and you get to sit on it and exercise. So I put the DVD in, pushed play and began to do the warm up. At first the gal was very pleasant and the warm up was actually kinda fun. WOW....I can do this! I did learn quickly tho that I need alot of space to do this. At one point in the video they want you to hold the ball up over your head and I nearly brought a glass hanging candle holder down on my head.

As the program progressed I found myself feeling like I was in a bad game of twister with a short fat man. I couldn't stay on the damn thing and laying across it was nearly impossible. 15 min into this work out and I was saying to myself that I was going to shove the ball up this woman's ass! The worse part was I had only a sports bra and boxer shorts on and my bare skin was sticking to the rubber ball. It was like sitting naked in a leather chair in 95 degree heat. I got rubber burn on my ass that looks like jolly green giant gave me a hicky! "Ho Ho Ho green giant"

I was really scared of the yoga ball in more then one way. Not only could I hardly get my balance on it, but the only thing keeping the air in was a little plastic plug. Everytime I sat on the ball I made sure the plug was pointed downward. I kept having visions in my head of my fat ass carelessly bouncing on this thing and that plug popping out, shooting across the room and killing one of my cats. It said on the box it holds up to 300lbs, which is entirely amazing to me, but I wonder what the pressure is of a 'chunky' gal who's bouncing up and down on it is?

Yesterday was my daughters Birthday. I called and had a nice chat with her. She has a big band contest to go to next weekend and is very excited about that. She also said she is getting all A's, which is awesome. Im so proud of her and told her that. She sounded good, she's loving highschool and working towards graduating early. I didn't get to talk to my son because they were heading out to a restaurant to celebrate. I'll call again tonight to speak with him.

Ok...Off to the kitchen...I want to start dinner, Im making a stew and want it to sit in the crock all day.

Susan
~peace~

He's got a buldge, but it's not what you think

2005-10-05T07:58:00.000-05:00

The doctor's office finally called with Jack's results of his MRI. They said he has a buldging disc and Arthritis. He's had this before in his neck and they had ordered physical therapy for that and so yet again it was suggested that he start some therapy. They have offered him some pain management with injections, but after a long discussion about it he has decided to try the therapy first. It was suggested to us that he start doing yoga to strengthen all the muscles in his back to help with future problems of this kind. We purchased a yoga ball, mat and some other things, but haven't really tested it out yet. Im really excited about the yoga stuff as I've always wanted to do it, just never knew how or what to do.

On a different note.....Today is my daughters 15th birthday. Everytime I think about it, the reality that I am getting older sinks in. My hair is sprinkled with grey now, the skin around my eyes is less firm and wrinkles are starting to show and my body is turning on me. I plan to fight it.......stop laughing!

ok...Im busy today, maybe more later

Susan
~peace~

two candy bars, a bag of popcorn and two hours later.....

2005-09-30T08:09:00.000-05:00

I don't do well waiting in waiting rooms. I knew this was going to be hard but I had no idea how hard. They called Jack's name, we kissed and he followed a woman down a long hallway. I was worried because he had been given a sedative and we were not real sure how well it would work or not work. I watched him walking down the hall until I couldn't see him anymore when he disappeared through a door. I knew I was going to shop in the gift shop and I also knew it was a very small gift shop and that it would only kill 15min tops. I leaned over the outpatient desk and asked a very small woman with huge glasses how long she thought he might be. She didn't know for sure but said atleast an hour and a half. "UGH" So I started out on an adventure. I desided I was going to walk every inch of the hospital that I could or would be allowed to and maybe even see if I could sneek up to maternaty an look at new babies. I had wished now I had brought my camera because I could see they have a neat pond and water fountain outside. I made a mental note about the flower garden and path to the fountain. I would make my way outside too.

Then I saw the snack bar.....ooooh! I'll have something to snack on! I thought. I dug into my purse and pulled out some change, then scanned the machine for something good. I chose Reeses cups and sat down at a little table and ate it. I noticed then that I could have gone outside and eatten also. I wandered around alot, saw a couple people I knew but didn't go up to them. I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I get so nervous about hospitals in general let alone worried about Jack doing ok. I just didn't feel like having a conversation. I rode the elevator a couple times and almost got lost looking for the babies. I decided I better go back to the outpatient area just in case he was done early. I watched a bit of t.v. in the waiting room then a family came in with a crying 2 yr old so I decided to check out the gift shop. The gift shop was small but they had alot of neat stuff. I picked up a container of lotion with shea butter and it smelled like watermelons so I hung on to it. Then I saw something cute for Jack's daughter and I desperately tried to find something for Jack. I know it is silly, but I wanted to get him something, after all he would have done that for me. They sure didn't have much that a man would like. Then I spotted this little stuffed monkey and since Jack collects monkey's I thought he might like it. I stepped up to the counter and paid for my things. I checked the time on my cell phone and relized I still had 45 min to kill!

I found a quiet area to sit in and looked over my goodies. The monkey was cutier and softer then I thought. I opened the lotion and tried it....mmmmm...it smelled good! I sat quietly then and watched people come and go. Wondering what thier story was. I guess time went by because before long a woman was asking me if I was with Gary. She said he was almost done about 5 min. He was in there for a total of 2 hours. When he finaly walked out he looked good, he said it was very noisy and at one point his shoulder cramped up. He didn't realize it had been two hours and was just hungry.

Right after dinner he fell asleep in his chair with his shoes on, so I took off his shoes and covered him up. He slept for an hour or so then woke in time to watch a favorite tv show and go to bed. Im just glad that's over and hopefully soon we'll know what's wrong.

Time for work, it's friday, pay day and my short day.

Susan
~peace~

Today is the day

2005-09-29T08:43:00.000-05:00

Jack's MRI is this afternoon, he will get home early from work today and hopefully take sometime to relax before we leave. The plan is......There is no plan, we'll play everything by ear and hope for the best. I was talking to him last night about the MRI machine, which he has been in before, and at one point as I said "I bet it feels like being in a coffin!" he said that was enough talk and lets go to sleep. Ooops! so I zipped it and rubbed his back until he fell asleep.

Susan
~Peace~

It feels like Fall

2005-09-27T12:51:00.000-05:00

What a beautiful day it has turned out to be! The sun is shinning and it's 75 degrees out. I'm just about to take a walk and enjoy some fresh air.

Jack's MRI is thursday, he's nervous about it but not saying he is. I can tell he is because he gets very quiet. He had concern about being in the MRI machine and has asked if they can sadate him. I called the Doctor thismorning and he has prescribed Jack something, we'll pick it up tonight. He's also decided to take a half day off for this (at my request). I think it would be best for him to relax a bit before he has this MRI done.

Jack's daughter called today, she's 22 and lives across town. She just recently broke up with a boyfriend she had been with for at least 3 years. She rents the upstairs of a two story house and her best friend lives below her with her husband and new baby. Last night it was revieled that her boyfriend and the best friend have been having sex together for 2 years. Ofcourse there was a fight and everyone is now very upset. They are even questioning wether the new baby is the husbands or the boyfriends. I suppose they will go round and round about that for a while.
She stopped by today to pick up a cat carrier and she's all bruised up. I called Jack at work to tell him what had happen, he said we'll check on her tonight if we get time between other things we need to do.

I've been using a progesterone cream to help with some of the symptoms I've been having thought to be brought on by pre-menopause. I also take an herbal suppliment which seems to help with the mood swings I was having. I continue to get dry skin on my face which causes it to break out. I also still have areas of discoloration on my breast from the rash I had. Im still convienced I have psorisis, which could have caused all the scratching, which caused the fungal infection to being with. I hope soon this will all clear up, I've made an apointment to have my hormone levels checked. Maybe the answer will be there. What ever it takes for me to feel better and not drive Jack nuts.

Ok....enough chit chat...I have to get myself moving.

Susan
~peace~

Monday Monday lala la lala

2005-09-26T12:02:00.000-05:00

mmmmmm left over ho-made pizza! It just doesn't get any better then this! I can remember when I used to never eat leftovers. I would rather starve then eat something I ate the day before. Im a little less picky now.....But not much, if it's more then a day old I wont eat it.
I was going to try and avoid talking about myself, but one of my friends and fellow bloggers caught something I said in a past blog and wanted to know why I always talk about Jack and funny stuff and never myself. To talk about myself means I have to explain that Im not all that exciting.

In a nut shell:
I like simple and free. If I can make it instead of buy it I will. If I can take an alternative herb instead of a prescription I will. I don't like confrontation but I will stand up for things I strongly believe in. I don't vote I don't care for our government, but I do love this country. I don't eat red meat, I was a vegetarian for several years. Now, I do eat ground turkey in place of red meat dishes, fish and on very rare occasions chicken. I love bread, I love baking bread and I love the way it makes the house smell when Im baking it. I practice alternative healing such as accupressure, herbs, essential oils and I've had acupuncture done and would do it again. I believe the mind can heal the body, but I am not against modern medicine if need be.

My favorite color is red and earth tones. Im usually very quiet and will be quick to crack a joke. I try not to reveal to much of myself to people, I get my feelings hurt easily. I dislike mean people, ruddiness and ignorance. I will walk away from people who possess these qualities. I dislike people who are materialistic and people who think they are better then everyone else. I don't like the Jones' and I never want to be like them. I would rather live next door to Ozzy Osbourne then some upity family. I like to be held when Im sad. My quietness just means I am being careful in my thoughts. I believe in think first, talk last. I found out my foot taste horrible. I say what I mean and mean what I say. If I tell you Im going to do something....I do it. I like to be accountable and trusted. I love intimacy. I love my children with all my heart and am often misunderstood by my family. How do you explain you did what you HAD to to survive ? I love my family more then they know. I wasn't raised in the most huggy and kissy family and I find it hard to show my emotions to them. I will probably die before they ever know how much my heart aches for them and my Children. I often beat myself up over my life choices, but know I did what was best for everyone at the time.

I like to think of myself as a new age hippy. I don't like to conform and do things just because someone says I have too or it's the norm. I don't openly practice a religion even though religion is a big part of my life. I really dislike is the church experience I find it to be fake. I worked in a catholic church, taught 4th grade religion, I saw the behind the scenes BS that goes on and decided I didn't want any part of it. My religion is what I believe and I am spiritual in my own way (what I was taught as a child). On that note, I realy get annoyed at people who preach the bible but only pick and choose which parts they live by. I believe in a higher power (God) that loves me and wants me to do good and will forgive me for my mistakes. My higher power (God) is understanding, loving and generous.

I am very intuitive and often said to be scarily so. I have unexplained dreams that often come to light later. I hate being stressed and I wont allow myself to get in to, around, near or even remotely close to stress. If I find myself in the middle of a stressful situation I will jump ship and leave. Stress will kill you and I wont have any part of it. I often refer to myself as being a drama free woman. Life is to short to sweat the small stuff.

Enough? (That was a big nut shell!)
Good....Cause now IM tired!
Susan
~peace~

My hard place to fall is broken for a bit

2005-09-24T18:47:00.000-05:00

Jack isn't good..........

Every year he goes through this bought of back pain. It's high on his ribs. He says if feels like muscle torn from the bone. He finally got in to see the doctor yesterday and he has ordered an MRI for Jack. This pain started nearly 2 months ago and the last time he had this it was over 3 months before he was better. Jack and I haven't been able to be intimate, nor has Jack been able to sleep in bed with me for sometime. When he does try he ends up getting up in the middle of the night and getting into the recliner. I always wake up alone. A very selfish part of me is wanting him to get better soon for reasons I can't say! But IM sure you can figure out! *smile*

Today we picked up a 'wedge' that he can use in bed to sleep on. We are hoping this helps only time will tell. I feel pretty helpless at times because I can't do anything to make it better. Medicines have not helped at all. The doctor said the MRI will give them an answer and treatment options. Most likely cortisone shot if it's what the doctor thinks.

Hurricane Rita has visited already and less damage then they had thought. All of our friends and family are good and safe. Im glad the out come was better this time around.

I think I've gotten out of my funk a bit, atleast I feel better. Errrr but I hate to talk about me so..........

Well, Im writing this late....and I need to get my shower. Thanks for coming by and please come back when ya can't stay so long. OH>......and don't move if you see me....Im humping everything I see!
Susan
~peace~

Thursday........a storm is brewing

2005-09-22T07:54:00.000-05:00

Jack has assured himself and me that his daughter and grandbabies will be safe in Texas, even though we cannot contact her. He's pretty sure she isn't in an area that would be devastated, however she is in an area that could get hit with the storms that always come along with these hurricanes.

I've been in a funk and have continued to stay that way, I appologize for not blogging very much or just writting silly stuff. I hope to return to normal soon.

Susan
~peace~

Hump Day!

2005-09-21T07:45:00.000-05:00

Happy Hump Day to all my readers. I promise this hump wont take long. I've been in a bit of a slump. I haven't felt well physically and mental everything is just a garbled mess. I'm sure I'll feel better soon, things have just been a bit stressful here lately and there is about to be a happy ending to a long and horrid story. Don't worry, I wont bore you with what that is. I'll even try to contain my explosion of happiness if I decided to talk about it later.

On a different note, another hurricane is coming in. I hope this one turns out better then the last one. For all of you close, please leave and be safe. My thoughts will be with everyone.

Susan
~Peace~

step away from the tuna and no one gets hurt!

2005-09-19T20:25:00.000-05:00

I have kidnapped and hidden your friend! If you want her back you will bring tuna and bring it NOW! Leave the tuna outside the door and knock three times. Once I recieve the tuna I will pass you a note under the door telling you were you can find your friend. The next time she forgets to buy us tuna we will not be so nice!
Signed
The Cat

Hurricane Katrina

2005-08-30T15:14:00.000-05:00

The events of the hurricane have kept me completely paralized. All I can do is watch coverage of it. Today is the aftermath and It saddens me greatly. When they say on t.v. that bodies are floating down streets I find myself sinking farther into sadness. It's such a helpless feeling to be far enough away it doesn't affect you, yet so close you could drive there in a day and see it first hand. The images of people being plucked from a roof top into a helicopter is to much for me to even imagine. I heard a 911 call of a young man saying his family called and said they are trapped in the attack of their home and the water has risen to the attack floor, they are trapped and can't get out. The voice says..."I guess they can't and wont". It was so chilling, it was so real, it was so sad!

Jack spent half the night in the recliner because his back is killing him. He only feels better when he sits up. I'm calling the doctor today to get him in. He wont be happy but it's gone on for weeks now. He's had this before, they call it a 'rib out', it's when the muscle on your ribs pulls away from the bone. He suffers from this atleast once a year.

Listening to the newest news on the happenings in New Orleans....They are in a terrible way, 10's of thousands of people are now trapped in the city with waters rising and no way out. I can't blog anymore......

Susan
Peace!

1969 Ford Truck! Yeeee hawwwww!

2005-08-20T15:10:00.000-05:00

So we went car shoping today.....

We stopped at a used car place, one of those places it doesn't matter if you've recently killed someone...they'll give you credit.

bankruptsy...no problem!

Screwed your last loan officer....no problem!

Beat the shit out of your wife and just got out of prison....no problem!

We'll give you a loan right after you sign here and cut off your arm!

We looked around at some of the nice used car's they had for sale....and I noticed Jack only looked at one in particular with alot of intrest. It was an old 1969 ford custom cab pick up truck. One owner, an old guy that owned a firestone tire store. We hunted the sales man down....(he was mopping up blood from the last customer)..and asked him if we could hear it run.

"it's a V8, three on the tree, 5000miles and everything original..." he said. "Let me go get the keys and we'll start er up for ya"....I quickly caught the 'three on the tree' thing he said and grabed Jack's arm...."ppsssssssst! you know what that means!?" I got a really funny look and he said....'baby....Im 56...YES...I know what that means!" (errrr ok).

After getting a copy of Jack's ID and lopping off a finger, he gave us the keys to take it for a spin. Well a spin is all we could do cause it was OUT OF GAS! (idgets!). We both got in, I searched for the seat belts...to which it was only lap belts...and the one on my side was broke (eeeek!). So I just held on tight and braced myself. Jack had a little trouble at first but quickly figured out the clutch and gas thingy's. I was actually quiet impressed till he said...'baby, I used to drive an old fire truck that was just like this". OHHH well ya never told me THAT! It was actually kind of fun living on the edge like that...sitting in a truck older then me, no seat belt, a half blind man behind the wheel, hardly no gas AND he was struggling with all the gears and such.

When we got back from our trip around the block (yee haw), I asked Jack what he thought. After all he's the only one going to be driving it. I thought for sure he'd say..."I gotta have this truck!" Instead he said.."it's to much truck for what I need". I had to agree, just watching him struggling with the peddles and the stiring wheel would have been a work out just getting to work and back. It was a nice truck tho, someone will buy it and fix it up to show off. Just not what we were looking for.

We have a plan to go out again tonight after all the places are closed so we can walk around the dealerships and look at their used car's.

We also talked about the fact we may not be able to do anything until we get our taxes back next year.

We did see a truck in a drive way...a 1993 something or other and they want 1750.00 for it. Everything she said was great until she mentioned she hadn't driven it in over a year and the last time she drove it she THINKS it ran ok. (ummm lemme think about that....errrrrrr...NO THANKS).

Ok....time to eat...I made homemade hamburger pizza for dinner.

See you on the up side!

Susan
Peace!

FOID Card!

2005-08-16T15:02:00.000-05:00

Jack had me fill out a form so he can get a FOID card and buy shells for his shot gun. For those of you who don't know, in our state we have to own a FOID card to buy guns and buy bullets or shells for the guns. Jack thinks we need protection and he has is fathers old double barrel shot gun but no shells. He also wants to purchase a hand gun. I had to take a picture of Jack for the FOID card form. Do you know how long it took me to get a picture of a bald man with a mustache and gotee to look like it was OK for him to have a gun? I realized from that experience I married a really scary looking guy. I kept saying....don't look so mean, smile or something, they'll NEVER give you a permit to have a gun in your hands! I got my fingers crossed on this one. I wouldn't be surprised if they denie him on that photo alone...even though the final picture has him holding a bunny and kissing a baby.

Well...I have some work to do....I'll catch ya on the up side

Susan

Who says you can't have your cat and eat it too.

2005-08-10T14:58:00.000-05:00

Some how Jack's phyco cat learned how to tell time. I don't really know when this happen or how, but it did. She know's that I get up at 7am and will make SURE that I do. She know's that snack time is 7pm and makes SURE that we don't forget. I had to go to school to learn how to tell time, so now Im wondering if she could be a past relitive come back as our cat. Gramma? is that you?

Layla (that's the cute little name Jack gave his freak for a cat) will stand with her nose less then and inch from your nose every morning and just seconds before my alarm will go off she meow's in your face. Now Im not sure if you've ever had a cat do this to you or not, but it's quiet disturbing. Especially since it's not a normal cat's meow, she seems to be quiet a bit LOUDER then most cats. Anyway, if that doesn't get you up she will stand on you! Now layla isn't our heaviest cat but she is heavy. Her paw's dig into your side like someone giving you a good poke and you have no choice but to groan and move. There just is no sleeping in here....and quiet frankly... Im sick of it Grandma!

Now the part that REALLY pisses me off is once I am up, the cat lays down in the spot I was keeping nice and warm and FALLS ASLEEP for the REST of the day! How RUDE!

Jack and I started this thing with the cats when they were kittens. We feed them one can of fancy feast tuna and shrimp about 7pm every night as a treat. I would say "tuuuuunnnnaaa kittiessss" in my most squeeky annoying voice, and they would come running to the kitchen. As they got older they expected this tuna treat and if they didn't get it.....well....honestly I don't know what would happen cause I've been to afraid to find out!

About 6pm Layla starts to tap you on the arm as a reminder that it's almost tuna time. The fiirst time she did this to me I wasn't really sure what to think. As you sit in your chair you feel this little furry paw 'tap tap tap'. You stop what your doing and look over to see this sweet little face looking back and then she opens her mouth and "MEEEOOOOWW"! This goes on for the entire hour...cause I'll be damned if Im gonna let a cat tell ME what to do! Ok....atleast 20 min...........15?

This is the part where I get stupid, I walk threw the aparmtment saying 'tuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnaaaaa baaaaaaabieeeessss' like a complete dork until I find all three of them. One is always hiding and waiting for me to carry her to the food. Not because she doesn't want tuna, but because by now she knows she doesn't actually have to get up and walk to the kitchen, thanks to me! Her personal assistant!

I'm always asked what the cat's names are and why we named them what we did. Gertrude or Gert, Layla and Priscilla. I named Gertrude after my grandmother.....wait.....MY DEAR SWEET GRANDMOTHER! The woman was my life and had just recently passed away. So I thought it only fitting I name one after her. Then Layla was named because of a song Jack liked and if I could remember who sang it right now, I'd tell ya. It goes like this: "layla....you got me on my knee's, layla....beggen for ya please...layla". Priscilla was just a name both Jack and I both liked and I have an aunt Pris whom I adore so I thought why not. Over time I have completely changed what I call them. I don't know why, just like a nickname I guess. I call Gertie...Dirty , Layla....Yaya and Priscilla is Nany or Nan's.

I guess it's only fitting that I talk a bit about the other two. Gert is a big floppy huggable kitty. She's the one I snuggle up with each night. She lets me cuddle her like a stuffed animal and never complains. She does leave me at some point in the night because when I wake she's usually at my feet or on the night stand next to me. She's the only cat we have that doesn't hide when someone comes over. The only odd thing she does is when she drinks water she doesn't stick her face down in the bowl, she puts her paw in the water bowl and then licks the water off her paw.

Priscilla is the big calico, she is the heaviest cat at 28lbs. She's very sweet and gentle, very rarely wants or needs attention and tells us when a storm is coming. For whatever reason she senses stormes coming before the weatherbug goes off on the computer. If you find her slinking around with her belly dragging the ground you know it's gonna storm. She will also wedge herself into the smallest space but doesn't realize her butt is sticking out. A bit like an ostridge hiding their head. She also doesn't drink from the bowl, she only drinks from the bathroom sink. Everytime you walk towards the bathroom she runs in front of you and jumps up on the sink. She has a quiet moucy meow. She opens her mouth and not much comes out. It's really rather cute!

Well....it's getting on the day here and I need to get some things done. Hope you enjoyed meeting my girls. Oh and Gramma....we have to talk!

Susan

peace!

giving it a second chance

2005-08-02T14:50:00.000-05:00

I woke thismorning thinking I would give the fungal cream another chance. I have it on now and am doing ok, long as I don't move around to much. I think the mistake I made yesterday was I put on a t-shirt right after I put it on. I think you have to let it dry a bit and wear something loose fitting.

I've got a bit of work to do thismorning. Alot of rents came in and I have to sort out and take to the bank. I have a trashed unit the maintenance guy is working in today. He'll most likely do very little and go home claiming he worked all day. Why do I let this guy continue to work here? He's so lazy but I have yet to fire him. I dunno if I feel a bit sorry for the jerk or just figure it would be much more difficult to find someone to do this job for what little the company pays.

I really wish I could get out from under this job, I hate it. It gives me nothing but stress. The only good thing about it is I get to work from home which is really nice. I used to pray for a job where I didn't have someone barking orders at me or breathing down my neck....I got it now and not sure I like it. Ain't that the way tho? Grass always greener on the other side. I may just be a bit to sensitive to throw people out of their homes for going threw a round of bad luck.

On a different note, I'm thinking of calling my kids today. I miss them alot, to bad they live with my ex and I still have to deal with him. Wont be long though and Anna will be out of school and Andy is right behind her. I can't wait for the day the kids are on their own and I can finally feel free to tell my ex what I think of him. If I did that now he'd most likely not let me see them. If I knew then what I know now, I never would have let that ass take the kids. He had me believing it was for the better. So anyway....I think I'll give them a call today and see how they are doing.
Well, I have some work to do.....
Susan
Peace!

There's a FUNGUS AMUNGUS......Maybe......

2005-08-01T14:47:00.000-05:00

Three months ago I started having syptoms of 'the change'. Hot flashes, flush feelings, cranky and irritable, migrane headaches.......then I got this rash. I think it has to do with the fact I was sleeping in a puddle every night. It started on my neck, moved down my chest, into my armpits, then on my lower inside arms and inside thighs. GAWD! what the hell is this! I started scratching like I was digging to china. I started doing research online and the only thing I could find looked even close to what I had was a picture of a baby's butt with diaper rash! GOOD GOD! So I started asking around, no one had a clue what I had. Eczema, psorisis, heat rash.......I even went to the message boards and asked there. I found myself sitting with a product called 'butt paste' all over me. Everything I tried helped a little. The best was the tea tree oil but even that stopped after a while. So I started using a regular fungal cream, it helped and the itching went away but not the rashy look.

So I call the doc, he can't see me for a month so I agree to see the nurse practitioner instead. She looks at me from across the room and says I have hives. I'm allergic to something. Ok.....WHAT!? who the heck knows, could be anything. ANYTHING! OMG! She give me some antihistimine and sends me on my way. That does nothing for me and Im worse off then when I started. So I call up the doc a week later....get an appointment a month later! I must see the most busiest doctor on the planet! Im emotional at this point, this rash and itch is litteraly driving me nuts. Im waking up scratching and going to bed scratching. I cut my beautiful nails down to nothing so I wouldn't damage my skin.

So a month has past and my appointment was today. I was nervous, I wanted answers, I was gonna cry if this guy didn't help me. He looks at me and says..Hives, I nearly jumped up and attacked him....he gets closer and says...hmm..looks like a fungus infection. WHEW, FINALLY....AN ANSWER! He prescribes me a prescription antifungal cream and Im off to the drug store. I get home and can't wait to get started healing this aweful rash. I rip into the box, toss it aside, poke open the cap and start slathering myself in the golden wonder cream. I swear I saw rays of light coming from the tube. I finish putting it on every inch of my rash and stand back to look in the mirrior. Suddenly I start to feel an itch.....not the usual itch...and ITCHIER Itch! Oh NO!...ok...Im gonna let it sit for a bit, give it a chance. Jack calls in dinner and we eat, I try to forget about it. I get done eating and look down and I look like someone has scalded my body with hot water. I'm more red then I ever had been and much more itchier.

So here I sit, my bubble bursted and still itching.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!

Susan

peace!

1st Entry

2005-08-01T14:40:00.000-05:00

This should be quiet boring to most, but here goes...........It was suggested to me that I get a blog....I said "a what?" A week later here I am.

I've never been good at just random typing so if I get stuck......just leave and make it easier on all of us.

Anyone looking at this probably already knows me a bit so I don't have to really introduce myself, but for those who might have just stumbled across this here, I like to discribe myself as a drama free, fun, easy going kinda person. I can be on the sensitive side at times but generaly I try to let things roll off me.

I suppose here you'll see alot of rambling .....I tend to go on and on about nothing alot. One thing you WONT see is me trying to figure out why the sky is blue or why people act the way they do.... Jesus people! stop watching so much t.v.! Anyway....that's all Im gonna say for the first blog. I have a topic I want to discuss in the next one. Thanks for stopping by and please come back often!

Susan

~Peace~