What does a person do without true friends? I know I would have gone mad without them. I have some of the most wonderful friends in the world and all over the world at that.

I was going crazy holding something in and didn't realize that the reason I was having such a hard time dealing with a problem was because I hadn't turned to my friends. It's times like this you find out which friends you value and treasure most. Once I was able to release the darkness I held within me I felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders.

I had to also do some major soul searching this past week. Everything I was raised to believe in was challenged. I had to step deep within myself to find out who I really am. What I can handle, what I can't, how much compassion do I have, how understanding am I, how critical can I be and the list goes on. I always knew that I had the ability to see ones true self and I was always raised to look at the intent of a situation and not just what one does. There is intent behind everything we do and what we do is based on our intent.

Someone hurt me and I now realize that it was not their intent to do so. And as long as they show remorse and are truly sorry for what they have done then I can not find it in my heart to condemn them. It's times like these that you have to give all of your fears and worries to God and leave it into his hands. I am not the maker, I am not to judge and I am human, therefore I will live MY life the way I know I should and everybody else is on their own. I have to focus on me and only me. Worry about me and only me. In the end 'me' is all I have.

Until you walk a mile in my shoes do not judge me or my actions. Do not question what I do and why I do it. In order for me to heal I have to do what's best for me not what anyone else might think is best for me. No one on this planet can tell you how you feel or how you should feel. Who do you know can cast the first stone? WHO? I thought not! Sin is not measured in heaven like humans measure it on earth. A sin is a sin and each equal. If you are truly sorry for your sin you will be forgiven. It is only human to turn one's back. Humans judge and condemn each other, God embraces his children because he has unconditional love for us. Love is a powerful emotion and true love can endure all things good and bad.

The door opened in my search for answers to my most challenging moment in life when I remembered something I had done to someone several years ago. I had nearly forgotten about it. It dawned on me that although the situations were different, they were in some ways the same. I was not cast to the sea to be eaten by sharks, I was not marched threw the streets to be shamed. I had to own up to my wrong and seek forgiveness which was the hardest thing I had ever done. That person forgave me and still to this day loves me. So I thought, how can I not give what was given to me? How could I ever expect anyone to ever forgive me of any mistakes I may yet make if I can't do the same in return for others? How hypocritical would that be? In the end It will be me and God and no one else. I want to live my life in such a way that he will be proud of me. He will be proud of me for reaching past my human weaknesses in going above what is expected of me. He will be proud of me for showing compassion and being truly understanding of others. He will be proud of me for being loving and caring to others. He will be proud of me for being me.

What if we were only judged by our wrongs? What if only our wrongs stood in plain view for all to see and no one ever saw anything good that we ever did? Why is it that we are to quick to see the bad in someone and not the good? Why do we not look at a person as a whole? We are to quick to hide our own faults behind our backs with one hand and with our other hand point our finger in disgust.

For all of you who are struggling with deep emotional issues at this time in your life, may you find the answers that you need to rise above your troubles. May you find a true friend to listen to you and love you. Even if they can not give you the words and advice you seek, may they simply hold you and comfort you in their embrace. Go forth today in peace! I know I will!

I love you!

Susan
~peace~