I feel like Im disappointing my readers by writing about how tired I am. I have nothing new to talk about except that Im tired. No sleep last night, Jack was up and down again. I woke up feeling pissed off but I can't be pissed at him, it's not his fault. So today I'll stuff more feelings of selfishness, I can only be angry at myself for knowing better. How can I get upset with a man living with chronic pain? Im a horrible person for even thinking it. I feel myself sinking into a black hole, everything around me is caving in. I want to scream at the top of my lungs "I just want my old Jack!" I just want to laugh and snuggle again! I can't help but to think this is some sort of punishment from God and poor Jack is stuck in the middle of it all.

While driving threw town yesterday Jack and I see this family who we sort of know and they are driving around in a nice car and recently moved into a nice rental house. We keep scratching our heads because we can't figure out how they afford it. Our only conclusion is that they must be in debt over their heads. Why is it those who do not have always seem to find or get and those who struggle to get ahead never get anywhere. I feel like we are spinning our tires in mud. Now with Christmas upon us we are sure to slide right back down and suffer a financial set back for the purchase of a vehicle once again. I am wondering if being in debt over your head is the way to be. I don't know if I can live like that or not. The stress of owing people money would throw me over the edge. How do people wake up every morning and feel worthy of even the smallest of pleasures when you know you owe someone thousands of dollars? I will never understand that.

Jack's birthday is Saturday the 12th. Im debating on whether I should get him something or just make a nice meal and bake a cake. I know Jack would not care either way. I hate not being able to do both and not even think twice about it.

well, it is Monday again....I wish I could sleep through till Friday, but I can't so I need to go.
Susan
~peace~